Treatment Review No. 12; June 1994

I was running a 101 fever. I wanted to know what I should do. Well, what should I do? Go to the emergency room? That's the drag to have a clinic doctor, not a private doctor. It's so hard to get a hold of him. But I guess that's true of all doctors. I lay down and put blankets on and took three Tylenol.

Today I ate pretty well. Now I'm having this pasta with bacon, garlic and cream (actually milk, rice flour and parmesan cheese). It's very good. I don't think it will upset my stomach. Today I wanted to go to the market but I was feeling so sick I didn't. I had to use what I had here. I had leftover chicken that I made the other night, bananas and madeleines, and this pasta that I am eating now. I keep track of my weight. It's been around the same for a long time. About 135 to 137. I lost a lot of weight two years ago because of the ulcers. I was making myself sick about having HIV. At that time I weighed 125 pounds. Then I started the oxandrolone. I never thought that it gave me more appetite than the usual, but I did start lifting weights and had some good results.

In the last month I lost six pounds. I must have gained them back already now, though. The two weeks after I went to see Gabriel I didn't eat anything. That can make me lose weight just like that. I think that I can gain it back right away. I haven't weighed myself but I think that I will. I don't drink any protein mixes although I think that I am going to talk to Yessmin and see. Those protein powders I don't like because they are too sweet. I don't take Marinol. What's the name of the other one? Megace. But then he didn't give it to me. He said, Well, if you want. But then after the X-ray and we were talking I think he forgot, and I forgot.

The X-ray we found a growth in my lungs. So that made me forget about the Megace because I was asking him what it was going to be like, what we were going to do. He was very worried. He said, I don't like that. I asked what we would do if it is a fungus, what we would do if it were a tumor. He said, well, let's not speculate. Let's wait for the results. I think that he said that we might need to do a bronchoscopy. The only opening was on Tuesday. Actually, they scheduled for Thursday. I asked if we could do it any sooner. I can't wait ten days. He called and asked we could get an appointment sooner. At least we got an appointment two days sooner.

I keep imagining this thing growing. This woman from Friends in Deed said that I should image the spot shrinking, but all I can imagine is this thing growing. The first day that I found out I was kind of worried. Then I had a kind of shift. I mean, why worry before I know what it is? Maybe it's something that is treatable. I have no idea what it could be but I am optimistic that it is treatable. What if it is a fungus? I take one hundred milligrams a day of Diflucan. I have been taking it for a long time. Gabriel said it might be a fungus. He didn't say what kind, but it looks like it could be a fungus, or a tumor. So, I'm waiting until Tuesday to find out. Do they give the results right away?

I've never been in the hospital. Well, if I need to go in the hospital for a couple of days, I'll go. The week after I have another appointment to do whatever, like the bronchoscopy. When I had an endoscopy at Bellevue - it's been a year and a half, almost two years that I had ulcers in my esophagus - I was really sick. I couldn't eat. Finally I did a GI tract. They found three ulcers. Then I did an endo and a biopsy. They were thinking they were CMV. Kotler gave me prednisone. They didn't find any virus or fungus, and I took prednisone for a month. And it healed. I never had anything after that. I don't take the prednisone any more. I've had this cough about three weeks. When I relax I don't cough. That's why he decided to take the x-ray. That cough has something to do with this thing. Well, what else could it be? My body calms down. I'm not taking the oxandrolone. I kind of stopped this week. I might be wrong but I thought that maybe the oxandrolone was the reason that I was not coming. But I think that I was just too tired. So, I just thought I would give it a break.

I'll probably call Kotler next week. I'm not going to tell him that I stopped doing it, I'm going to ask him first. I mean a week without doesn't matter. I'm going to ask him if I should stop taking it. But I think that I am going to start again. I mean I don't feel any different not taking it. And I think, actually, that the oxandrolone works better when I stop for a day, then I take it the day after, if I skip one day and then I go work out. Some days I just don't take it. It just gives the body a little rest. Usually I take it every day. Sometimes I don't take it. I work out on the days that I take it. No one ever told me. It's just intuitive. It works in my mind.

940601
ATR01205

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