Washington Blade - July 7, 2006
Phil LaPadula

In reality, King was leading a double life that would not only destroy his marriage but also land him on "Oprah" and the New York Times Best-Sellers list.

Though he said he often publicly professed "a dislike for gay behavior," King was secretly having sex with other men, living a life "on the down low."

King admits that the double life may have continued if his wife had not caught him. But he did get caught, which led to his new life as an openly bisexual man, motivational speaker and author of the best-selling book "On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Other Men."

King, who now gives lectures throughout the country on HIV prevention, will be one of the guest speakers at Miami Beach Bruthaz 2006, which will be held July 20-23 in South Beach. He says in his lectures he emphasizes honesty in relationships as a key to preventing the spread of the disease among African Americans.

New way to reach black gay men?

The conference will focus on a range of issues affecting gay, bisexual and other black men who have sex with men but don't identify as gay.

Other speakers scheduled to appear include Cleo Manago, who describes himself as the first "same-gender-loving" black man to speak at a Louis Farakkan event; Rev. Tommy Watkins, a Miami native who won a lawsuit against the military after being discharged from the Navy for being gay; and Greg McNeal, a Los Angeles photographer known for his images of strong black men.

McNeal will speak about the portrayal of black men in the media. In addition, Charles Martin, executive director of AIDS Project Florida, will speak on AIDS prevention and testing

"We're trying to offer some education in the midst of having fun," said Ian Smith, an organizer of the event. "We hope people will enjoy the fun and sun of South Beach but also get some enlightenment and engage in dialogue about these issues. This is an open forum for the discussion of black male issues."

Smith said he expects the conference to become an annual event and to attract some black women and Latino men as well.

"We hope it will grow into something that reaches into other aspects of the community," Smith said.

Smith said he and a group of friends got together and organized the conference because they wanted to do something different to reach black men who have sex with men. Though there is a long list of co-sponsors of the event, there is currently no official, single group that puts it on.

There are no financial sponsors of the conference, but Smith said he eventually hopes to organize a non-profit organization to throw the event. He said he used his own money to reserve the hotel rooms and food and airline tickets for support staff.

He hopes to recover his investment with the $99 per person entry fees. Guests can also purchase the events individually for $40 to $50. Sponsors of the conference include InterPride (an international association of Pride event coordinators), Ebony Male (a personals ad website aimed at black men), Club Twist and the Miami-Dade Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.

Entertainment will include TruDog, New York City's premier "homo rapper" who will play his signature hip-hop satire.

J.L. King was among the speakers who agreed to waive their speaking fees for the event, Smith said.

King said his book has been popular with black women as well as men.

"Sometimes when I'm speaking, women will come up to me and tell me that their man is on the down low," King said. "Some of them love the man so much that they don't want to end the marriage. The message of the book is to encourage men who live double lives to be honest and give their women a choice."

King said his book, which was published in May 2004, is about black men who don't identify as gay and "who for the most part hate gay behavior, but they have sex with other men."

He explained the typical social attitude of men on the down low.

"We're going to haul out the sisters when we go out," he said. "In the movie theaters, we sit in different rows. When we're home and it's just the two of us, we can be ourselves and do what we want."

Not just a black thing

King recalled how a man he was hooking up with became angry when another man complimented him on his looks.

"He went off on him and called him a fag," King said.

King noted that down-low behavior is not limited to black men. He pointed to the case of former New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey, who resigned after admitting he had been cheating on his wife with other men, as a good example of how the down-low lifestyle exists in all cultures.

Some black activists have criticized King's book for inferring that the prevalence of black men leading secret homosexual lives is to blame for the high rate of HIV among black women.

In his book, King tells the story of a married friend who was on the down low and found out he had HIV after taking a physical. The friend told King he didn't use condoms because he thought his partner was "clean" because he had a wife, too, and had told him he was only having sex with him.

"That's a classic line," King writes in the book. "If you're living on the down low and you're lying to your wife or girlfriend, then there's no reason why you wouldn't lie to every dude you're sleeping with, too."

When Oprah Winfrey featured the book on her talk show, it took off and ended up in the top 10 of the New York Times Best-Sellers list for 30 consecutive weeks. The book became a topic of conversation in the black community everywhere from barbershops to churches, King said.

"On her show, Oprah said she couldn't put it down," King said. "That's what did it."

King was featured on the cover of Jet magazine and was quoted in Newsweek and several other publications. He now speaks at colleges and universities about HIV prevention and strategies for creating healthier relationships.

In addition to the Bruthaz conference, King will speak Oct. 13 at a Men's Health Fair at the African-American Research Library in Fort Lauderdale. The event is sponsored by the Mount Olivet Baptist Church in Fort Lauderdale.

"For a black church to invite me to come speak to the men, that's huge," King said. "That pastor is part of the solution. Most churches want me to come in and say I'm no longer having sex with men."

The term "down low" was originally used to describe straight men who cheat on their wives, King said. He noted that the term came into vogue after R&B singer R Kelly did a song titled "Down Low."

"Listen girl, you want me but he needs youà. We can keep it on the down low," Kelly sang. "Nobody has to know."

Although King said he has a lot of gay friends, he doesn't identify as gay. He is firmly bisexual.

But he said he has tried to "bridge the gap" between gay men and other men who have sex with men but do not identify as gay. He also hopes to spread the message that homophobia is a threat to the health of black men and women.

King said he and his ex-wife are now good friends.

"We talk every day," he said. "She's gotten over the hurt and remarried. She doesn't judge me."

He also has good relationships with his three adult children, including a son he adopted after his divorce.

"When I'm with my kids, I'm not Mr. Down Low," he said. "I'm daddy."

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