Sunday Times (Johannesburg) - November 4, 2007

I am ever thankful to him for this initial positive response to what could be a very negative or misconceived situation.

I knew how it had happened - within a relationship that was very loving, but unfortunately not as honest.

Approximately nine years later I am well, and generally healthy. My CD4 counts are in the 700s and I have had no need for medication yet. I am fortunate to be able to eat well, although the odd bit of junk food does me the world of good and provides a balance.

I work alone in my own salon and this can be demanding, but I find work and activity important to build and maintain a positive mind-set.

Maybe this has been the key factor in my current mind-set. As a practising Buddhist, the Four Right Efforts are there to guide me in creating the mindset I have at any point in time. Basically, these principles are to identify and eradicate negative or unskilful mental events, and to maintain and build positive or skilful mental events or states. I have to wake up every morning and be with myself. The choices I make are mine, and if I were to choose to give up, lie back and wait to die then ... it will happen.

The people close to me have been an amazing support network and the fact that I could be honest has been important.

Telling people has never worked out as planned and just tackling the situation head-on in a kind and considerate manner and not beating around the bush seems to be the most real and effective way for both parties.

Integrating HIV positivity was initially a bit difficult but after a few months I came to acceptance. Being HIV-positive has become an aspect of my life but does not overshadow the whole of it. I do not deny that I have the virus in my system, but I do not let it "become" me. Then I will give it far too much power.

Contemplation of death is an important Buddhist practice that leads to a better understanding of life and reduces fear. The fact of death is inherent in birth , so it does not take a terminal diagnosis to declare that I am going to die. The day I was conceived, death was there.

I can change my perspective on what has happened in my life, but the choice to do so remains mine. If I allow anger and hatred to be the only lesson I learnt , then I am destroying myself. With love, kindness and compassion I will create not just a better me, but a better world. - Anonymous

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Everyone Knows Someone is a Sunday Times campaign to encourage people to know their HIV status, and is aimed at destigmatising the infection. We would like to publish the personal experiences (and, where the writer feels comfortable, photos) of South Africans living with HIV or caring for loved ones with the virus.

E-mail your story to: everyoneknows@sundaytimes.co.za or fax it to 011-280-5151.

HELP IS AT HAND

IF YOU have recently been diagnosed HIV-positive or are trying to cope with HIV in a loved one, contact us for a free and confidential appointment on Saturday morning. Clinical psychologists Khumo Seopela and Kgamadi Kometsi offer free HIV counselling between 9am and noon on Saturdays at 4 Biermann Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg.

To book, fax 011-280-5151 or e-mail counselling@ sundaytimes.co.za. Bookings are taken on a first-come, first-served basis. The sessions will take place in private.

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