Sunday Times (Johannesburg) - June 17, 2007
Claire Keeton

WHEN Mbuyiselo Botha dances at home with his 13-year-old daughter S'bonganjalo, she jokes with him about acting silly because he has a bullet in his brain.

Shot by apartheid police in Sharpeville in 1986, Botha is paralysed on his left side but that has not slowed him down.

Instead he has hurled himself into changing the way men think and act, and into protecting women and children from abuse and HIV.

That is why Botha, general secretary of the South African Men's Forum, has joined the Each One Reach Five campaign, which promotes HIV testing and care.

He says: "The fight against HIV will not succeed unless we involve men. There is something wrong with the way men often relate to women as just sex objects."

Ending violence against women and children and protecting them from diseases like Aids are priorities of the Men's Forum.

Botha talks animatedly about the need to break patterns of male behaviour. "Men are not born violent; this is a learnt behaviour and it can be unlearnt," he says.

"Kids should not fear their fathers. My children are lively and inquisitive."

He wants the next generation of children to be raised differently.

"Boys must not be told that boys don't cry or that they must take risks, or that men must provide or else they are failures."

Botha challenges all men today, on Father's Day, to love their families and keep them safe from HIV.

He says that if men join the testing campaign they will know their status and be able to stay HIV-negative, or take steps to stay healthy while living positively with HIV.

He says: "I'm inspired by my love of my family and especially my children." (He has a son, Raphakisa, and another daughter, Lathiwe.)

Botha says it was a simple transition from civic to gender activism.

A member of the Sharpeville Civic Organisation in the '80s, this 48-year-old man is now a leader in gender transformation in South Africa.

He has worked full-time for the Men's Forum - whose motto is "Restoring the Soul of the Nation" - for 10 years and explains why.

"If we still have women battered every day we can't talk about a new wave of transformation," he says.

"We need to look at ourselves, including our cultures and religious beliefs."

Botha engages men in discussions in a range of settings from churches to shebeens. The Men's Forum also has a Fatherhood Project.

He says he mostly gets positive responses to his work, especially when men feel liberated from stereotypes such as having to be the breadwinners.

He admits, however, that some men oppose the idea of gender equality, complaining that it is Western and not from Africa.

Despite this, the successes of the forum fuel his optimism that the future will be different, most of all for women.

Botha's five volunteers for the Each One Reach Five campaign are: Zico Investments executive chairman Sandile Zungu; Afrilink executive chairman Molefe Mokgatle; activist Tyrone Jones of Eldorado Park, south of Johannesburg; Jabu Nxumalo, the man Botha has "adopted" as his father; and his 28-year-old son, Raphakisa.

HOW TO BE AN HIV HERO

TAKE an HIV test and get five other people to do the same. Make it clear that no one has to disclose their results.

Let us know why you decided to join the campaign and how you felt when you took the test. We would welcome any stories about experiences that you have while participating in the campaign. Send your stories - with pictures if possible - to reach5@sundaytimes.co.za

Send us your name and the names of your five nominees so that we can publish a list of South Africans who have taken part. Please note, we do not want to know the results of anyone's test.

You can get tested at your doctor or at your local clinic.

070617
ST070610