Sunday Times (Johannesburg) - May 14, 2006
David Patient

Having lived with HIV for 23 years, I have learned the hard way that people attach all sorts of judgments to me for being infected.

I have also learned that I have no control over what people think about me. No matter how hard I may try to please them, what goes on in their heads is completely out of my control.

Like many others, I initially responded to this stigma by pretending I was not infected, keeping quiet when people spoke about HIV and Aids , and also refusing to get help when I needed it.

One day I realised a few things that changed all this: I want to live, I deserve to live, and what other people think about me is none of my business.

I have not tolerated stigma since, or let ignorant or judgmental comments towards me go unchallenged.

When I stopped seeing myself as a helpless, undeserving victim (self-stigma) other people stopped treating me like one. I learned that people treat me the way I teach them to treat me.

I tolerated blame and shame for a long time. I secretly agreed with the judgments of me.

One day, after a brick was thrown through my window, my dogs had been poisoned, and I had been fired from my job for being HIV, I got angry: how dare they treat me this way.

I learned - the hard way - that the opinions of people I valued were based upon fear, not wisdom, and certainly not compassion. I was not being punished by God - I was being punished by myself - and therefore others - for accepting the lie that God loves me less than anyone else. I also had to accept that I am not powerless and never have been, even when I believed I was.

I am not an "Aids sufferer", or an "Aids victim", and anyone who says otherwise is going to hear from me.

I live with Aids . I am not my virus - I simply have the virus in my body. My mind, heart and soul are not infected, unless I let them be infected by beliefs in victimhood and fear. There is far more to me than my HIV status.

People are often shocked or puzzled when I say HIV is the most valuable teacher I have had in my life. It is true: it was HIV that was the trigger to taking my personal power back. I had had unprotected sex. My body got infected with a virus. I now take care of my body as best I can. I am responsible for dealing with this. I also decide how I think and feel about myself.

As far as I am concerned, external stigma starts with internal stigma, and I'm not about to tolerate either. I value my life and refuse to live in fear and self-pity.

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