Sunday Times (Johannesburg) - August 28, 2005
Tom Mapham

The city has the greater percentage of members on Positive Connection, the country's first online-dating service for HIV-positive singles.

Ben Sassman, founder of the site, said he was "thrilled" that HIV-positive singles had taken to the concept.

Sassman said he believed the non-profit site also promoted safety by encouraging singles to be honest about their status.

Sassman said this month the site registered its first official love match, between a Bloemfontein politics staffer and an East London fundraiser.

He said two members, "Tabita", 38, and "Thami", 38, proved the site's value when they told him this month that they were in love.

"They travel 600km to see each other every weekend, but it is great to hear they will soon be moving closer to each other," said Sassman.

Tabita, the director of a nongovernmental organisation, said her fear of rejection in the outside dating world led her to the site where disclosing her status was not an issue.

"Now that I've found intimate love with somebody who understands what I'm going through, I want to live the rest of my life a happy woman," she said.

Thami said he had previously found dating "very difficult".

"When I disclosed [my status], dates would run for the hills; and if I didn't, well, the burden of keeping the secret is enormous," he said.

But that has changed. "I can be myself with Tabita, we are very much in love."

However, Professor Elna McIntosh, a clinical sexologist, warned that the website could reinforce stigmas - and even encourage unsafe sex.

"Couples who are both HIV-positive have to practise safe sex, but a lot of people are not aware of the dangers of reinfecting," she said.

"Anyway, why must an HIV-positive person date another positive person? It is almost stigmatising again."

David Patient, a co-owner of a multinational training company who has been living with HIV for 22 years, said: "It is unfortunate that HIV-positive people can only meet in a certain environment. But it is a valuable service."

Some of those with profiles on the site entice partners by remarking that "I am only taking vitamins; no ARVs."

Others look for people with a practical attitude to HIV. "Justine", a quantity surveyor from Johannesburg, said this in her profile: "I need someone [who is] serious about conquering this disease" while Ntombi, 32, from Cape Town, is looking for a man "who is not shy about his status".

The most common statement made on ordinary dating websites is: "I live life to the fullest."

But "Rose", 31, from East London, made this remark to male suitors on the Positive Connection: "I'm living each day as if it's the last."

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