Important note: Information in this article was accurate in 2003. The state of the art may have changed since the publication date.
Sunday Times - Sunday, 14 December 2003
Gill Moodie
The idea of a dating agency for HIV-positive people struck Ben Sassman after listening to two HIV-positive friends talk about how prospective dates would bolt as soon as they disclosed their HIV status.
"I told my one buddy, 'Why don't you register with one of these dating services on the Internet?' Then we realised he'd still have to face the problem of disclosing his HIV status," Sassman said.
"But by using this agency, you'd both be in the same health boat, so to speak, and you could get on with the dating."
Sassman started The Positive Connection in September, and now has 512 registered users from across the country - and even one from the US.
One registered user described the site as a "godsend".
"It's a bitch to disclose out there. If you're at a nightclub, for example, and you meet somebody and tell them you've got HIV, they bolt," said Richard Yell, a motivational speaker on HIV/Aids.
"I hope the site starts to kick butt. All of us need love and it's hard to find it if you're HIV-positive.
"Everyone has a role to play. Some people are looking after Aids orphans. Ben is looking after the social side of life with HIV - and I think that's a vital role."
Registered users' ages range from 21 to 58. Registration is free but members have to pay R69 a month if they want to use the agency to contact each other.
Sassman says he donates 10% of his profits to Aids charities. He is trying to get corporate sponsorship to do an online marketing campaign.
Working at a marketing firm during the day, he works on the site at night while looking after his 18-month old baby.
Dr David Harrison, chief executive officer of the Aids-prevention campaign loveLife, said the site was constructive because it was a vehicle for distributing information about safe sex and ways of living with HIV.
By connecting people, it also provided support for people who were HIV-positive, Harrison said.
"One of the dilemmas for HIV-positive people is they're in a situation which many interpret as a death sentence. They've got all this isolation . . . so they hide it from everyone else, thereby increasing the risk to others - and to themselves, by just living dangerously."
Clinical psychologist and sexologist Dr Eugene Viljoen, who is a member of the board of the Southern African Sexual Health Association, said many HIV-positive people were afraid to come out because of a fear of rejection.
The Positive Connection could help them to do so, he said, and date in a responsible manner.
"HIV is a virus that has been driven underground . . . we need to open this up and get people talking about it."
But Thanduxolo Doro, spokesman for the National Association of People with HIV/Aids - an umbrella body for HIV support groups across the country - said The Positive Connection isolated HIV-positive people even further at a time when many groups were pushing for greater acceptance of these people.
The reality is that many HIV-positive people had relationships with HIV-negative persons, Doro said, and dating did not solve all the complex problems faced by those with the disease.
Sassman said creating the website has taught him how lonely it could be to be HIV-positive.
"Society has isolated people with HIV/Aids so badly. We're 20 years on with the disease, but we've gone nowhere," he said.
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