Important note: Information in this article was accurate in 2003. The state of the art may have changed since the publication date.
Sunday Times (Johannesburg) - June 1, 2003
Gill Moodie
Apie is one of many HIV-positive people who faces rejection by their families - and who have found new families in mostly female support groups made up of fellow sufferers.
St Luke's Hospice social worker Nomakula Mrubata, who runs a support group from a hospital in Khayelitsha near Cape Town, estimates that one third of HIV-positive people she has worked with are rejected by their families.
Some are kicked out, but most are treated so badly at home that they leave.
"You'd think your family would be at your side," said Apie, 36, who now lives with her niece in Macassar on the Cape Flats. "It's a very painful thing when they reject you.
"Before the divorce my husband told me he would a buy house for us, but I said: 'No, your family don't want me,' " said Apie, who tested HIV-positive 13 years ago.
Apie is one of a growing number of women with HIV who are standing up for themselves and striking out on their own.
There are few places for them to go if their families reject them, said Mrubata, and many of those who get the R700-a-month government grant for people with full-blown Aids build their own homes.
Some of the more than 40 people who come to Mrubata's sessions are women who are too afraid to tell their husbands of their HIV-status. But they make firm friendships and have set up a network to help each other.
"I'm very free here," said Apie. "I'm not afraid of disclosing that I'm HIV-positive to anyone because the strength we get here is very powerful."
Another woman in the group, who did not want to be identified, told a similar tale to Apie's.
She was diagnosed with HIV three years ago while living in Khayelitsha with her uncle's family. Her aunt suspected that she had Aids and treated her like a pariah, especially while the uncle was at work.
She had to have her own spoon, mug and plate, she was not allowed to sit in the front room and her son - who does not have HIV - was treated in the same way. "What hurt the most was that if I cut bread, they would take from the other end of the loaf," she said.
She felt so ashamed of how she was treated that she gave her son to his grandmother to look after.
Said Mrubata: "When she first came to the group she was very depressed and lonely. Here we talk about their fears and they reach a stage where they feel they can tell anyone they are HIV-positive and be prepared for however that person responds."
As soon as the woman got a government grant she built a home and got her son back. She has been working up the courage to tell her uncle she has Aids.
Dr Liz Gwyther, chief executive officer of St Luke's Hospice - which has 12 Cape Town branches - said rejection by family members was widespread.
She says there seems to be less rejection in provinces like Kwa-Zulu-Natal, which has a very high rate of HIV infection.
"In places like KwaZulu-Natal every family has been affected. It's no longer something that happens to other people. This has reduced the stigma, but it's tragic that things have come this far."
But Gwyther said more women - who are often the first in a family to be diagnosed with HIV because it is picked up when they go to a clinic for a pregnancy test - are becoming empowered.
"I think a lot of women - even those who are abandoned by their husbands - have found a voice for themselves and find they don't need these men in their lives."
030601
ST030602
Copyright © 2003 - The Sunday Times. Reproduction of this article (other than one copy for personal reference) must be cleared through the Sunday Times Permissions Desk.
AEGiS is a 501(c)3, not-for-profit, tax-exempt, educational corporation. AEGiS is made possible through unrestricted funding from Boehringer Ingelheim, Bridgestone/Firestone Charitable Trust, Elton John AIDS Foundation UK, the National Library of Medicine, AIDS Walk of Orange County, and donations from users like you.
Always watch for outdated information. This article first appeared in 2003. This material is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between you and your doctor.
AEGiS presents published material, reprinted with permission and neither endorses nor opposes any material. All information contained on this website, including information relating to health conditions, products, and treatments, is for informational purposes only. It is often presented in summary or aggregate form. It is not meant to be a substitute for the advice provided by your own physician or other medical professionals. Always discuss treatment options with a doctor who specializes in treating HIV.
Copyright ©1980, 2003. AEGiS. All materials appearing on AEGiS are protected by copyright as a collective work or compilation under U.S. copyright and other laws and are the property of AEGiS, or the party credited as the provider of the content. .