Sunday Times, South Africa - July 9, 2000
Devi Sankaree Govender

"I'm 26, I'm Indian and I am HIV-positive," says Shanitha, who was diagnosed with the disease nearly four years ago.

"I'm so sick and tired of all these ridiculous Indian people who believe that they can't get AIDS." Shanitha, who contracted the virus from her husband, was married by arrangement when she was 20 years old.

"I grew up in a family where everybody had arranged marriages. My parents introduced me to Suresh, and even though I wasn't pressured into marrying him, I just felt it was the right thing to do at the time.

"I got married with stars in my eyes and I blocked out a lot of things that I shouldn't have - there were signs at that stage that Suresh was doing drugs."

After an extravagant wedding, Shanitha moved in with her husband's family. In the first two months of marriage, she tried committing suicide twice.

"He was never at home, always out drinking, doing drugs and sleeping with other women. I didn't know what to do. His family were sympathetic but never spoke to him about his behaviour. I felt alone and knew that I couldn't go on living like that.

"A few days before I left him, I discovered that I was pregnant. My family and I felt that my unborn child would be better off if Suresh and I were together.

"But things got worse. Suresh wasn't supportive at all. He never came for visits to the doctor because he was drunk, drugged out of his mind or sleeping off an alcoholic binge."

Shanitha moved back in with her parents, and six months into the pregnancy she discovered she had syphilis.

Although the last three months of her pregnancy were agonising because of the syphilis and constant verbal assaults by her husband, Shanitha gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

"Suresh pleaded with me to come back. I went back, praying that this time around he would realise his responsibilities."

Six months later, Suresh fell ill after developing an infection in his knee which refused to heal. She asked her doctor to run a batch of blood tests on her husband - and these revealed he was HIV-positive.

"I knew that my family would be torn to shreds. I was 22 and I was HIV-positive. I had my whole life ahead of me." Shanitha said she cried for weeks, and telling her family was the worst experience of her life.

"My dad just sat there, looking at me. But when I looked into his eyes, I knew that everything was going to be okay. He took control of the situation. The next day we had my son tested and, thank God, he tested negative."

Suresh seemed "uninterested" in her HIV status. "He said he was sorry, but I couldn't help thinking of all the times he swore that if he couldn't have me, no other man would.

"I suspect that he knew he was HIV-positive all the time."

She went through a period of deep depression and rebelliousness, which only ended when her father died a year later.

Shanitha now lives alone with her five-yearold child. "Even though I haven't developed full-blown AIDS, I do get ill often. I get a scare when I get sick, wondering if this is when I'm going to die. What gets to me is that it's so acceptable for men to sleep around all the time. People don't realise that these men could easily bring home the disease to their unsuspecting wives."

Shanitha insists that she doesn't see AIDS as a death sentence. "I am realistic, but positive about my life. I am so positive that I'm going to be studying for a BCom next year.

"I came out into the open because I wanted others to know that AIDS knows no colour."

Shanitha has now helped form a support group for people who are HIV-positive.

"Indian people are living with AIDS but are too afraid to speak out about it. I want to be able to help us break the silence."

* For more information on the support group, call Dr Krish Nair on (031) 401 5827

* Shanitha will be appearing on Lotus FM's Viewpoint on Tuesday between 1 and 2pm.
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