San Francisco Chronicle - February 14, 2008
Anastasia Ustinova, austinova@sfchronicle.com.

"You don't have those tips about meeting women," said Woodridge, 31. "How do I approach her, how do I know she is gay?"

For Woodridge, finding that special someone turned out to be easier online. Several months after signing up for dating service Chemistry.com, Woodridge was matched with her partner, who was "incredibly honest and sincere, and she stole my heart."

After online giant eHarmony made headlines last year by saying its psychological research is based exclusively on heterosexual relationships, a growing number of rival online matchmakers are using their algorithms to find same-sex love as well.

"There are just not enough services for creating healthy relationships, and (it is) a major gap in the gay community," said matchmaker Patrick Perrine, founder of San Francisco-based Mypartner.com, which caters to "sophisticated, cultured and relationship-oriented gay men" and has more than 50,000 clients across the nation. "There has been a long-held stereotype that gay people are only looking to hook up."

But there's disagreement over whether gay people fall in love the same way as straight people. Some matchmakers, including Chemistry.com, say the chemistry of love is the same whether you're gay or straight. But matchmakers who dedicate their services exclusively to the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender community disagree, pointing out that little theory is available about gay relationships outside general psychology.

"When you are dealing with a Mars-Venus situation, it is one thing. When you are dealing with Mars-Mars, it's different," said Stuart McFaul, marketing director of the newly created Partnerforlife.com, which has created an algorithm based on years of founder Dale Bullock's private matchmaking experience in the gay community.

Unlike adult hookup sites that allow users to browse profiles, online matchmakers offer lengthy personality tests, designed to match clients with a compatible partner. Though companies keep their algorithms secret and little scientific data is available about the effectiveness of the services, thousands of those looking for a soul mate are willing to pay up to $40 per month to try them out.

Advertised as gay-owned-and-operated businesses, sites such as Partnerforlife.com and Mypartner.com ask their members to answer questions that assess their personalities as well as cover different aspects of a modern gay man's life, including sexuality, HIV and parenting. Offline services such as relationship counseling and seminars are also available.

"Differences between gays and others have nothing to do with the fundamentals, but with day-to-day living," said Bullock. "The prime goal is to create a community support structure for our couples to grow closer together and to develop a standard model for their relationship."

The matchmakers claim "you can actually find people who are compatible, and this is a major advance that is going to keep the industry alive for the upcoming 50 years," said Mark Brooks, an Internet dating and social networking consultant.

Matchmakers like Chemistry.com, which estimates that about 10 percent of its 3.7 million clients are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, say all love is equal, straight or gay. Last year, the company launched a TV campaign criticizing eHarmony for rejecting applicants it deems undesirable, including those looking for same-sex partners.

Chemistry.com is using a single algorithm created by Helen Fisher, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, who has identified four personality types based on chemicals in the brain that tend to be associated with different types: the explorer, the builder, the director and the negotiator.

The explorer, for example, has high levels of dopamine, a chemical that tends to make a person curious, creative, spontaneous and irreverent. The explorer's perfect match is the serotonin-driven builder, who is calm, cautious and detail-oriented.

People are usually drawn to the partners who complement their type, Fisher said, and that rule of attraction goes beyond their sexual orientation.

"We are not measuring what your appetite is for your sex partner; we are measuring basic human characteristics," Fisher said. "Who you choose to love is one thing, how you feel when you are in love is another, so I am operating under the assumption that gays are going to fall in love and have absolutely the same experience and choose the partners in the same way straight people do."

While matchmakers scramble to tap the booming industry, academic researchers say they hope the growing competition pushes companies to post their research for peer review.

"And unlike those (companies), most scientists don't have good resources to collect data," said Eli Finkel, a psychology professor who studies dating at Northwestern University's Relationships Lab. "Until we have actually seen their data, we would not be able to know" how effective the sites are.

Meanwhile, in an attempt to counter the stereotype that gay men are not looking for serious commitment, Partnerforlife.com's ads feature ordinary-looking couples doing everyday activities with tongue-in-cheek slogans such as "One-nighters are great ... 365 are better."

"This is what attracts people the most - so gay men and lesbians can look at each and say, 'We can have ordinary lives just like everybody else,' " McFaul said. "Our ads are a celebration that we have arrived."

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