San Francisco Chronicle - Sunday, November 29, 1992
Dan Levy

"You have to learn what you can while you're here -- otherwise you'll come back and do the same thing over again," she says, explaining the attitude that allows her to maintain equanimity in the face of AIDS.

Margaret was diagnosed with HIV in 1987. She believes she contracted the virus from her ex-husband, who died of AIDS that same year. (The couple had separated in 1986.) Now she must support herself and her 14-year-old daughter with a part-time job at a services center that cares for terminally ill people. Her daughter only recently learned the nature of Margaret's illness.

Any mother-daughter relationship can be easily strained at this point in life, but this one is especially difficult. Margaret's daughter is floundering in school and seeing a therapist to help cope with the idea of losing a parent.

Margaret was a municipal bond broker in the early 1980s, and the lifestyle was good -- San Francisco condominium, parties, stylish clothes. She would often visit a department store and bring home a wrapped present for her only child.

"I used to be able to give that kid anything," Margaret says.

Now her daughter has only one pair of shoes. Margaret is thankful that her daughter is enrolled in a Catholic school -- the uniform cuts down on the need for clothes. She can't afford to give her daughter dance lessons anymore. Since 1988, Margaret has suffered two near-fatal cases of Pneumocystis carinii pneumonia and is at risk for two increasingly common ailments: CMV retinitis, an eye infection, and mycobacterium avium complex, an agonizing disease that wastes away the body.

Today, her T-cell count is seven. (T-cells protect the body from opportunistic and viral infections.) The T-cell count for a non-infected person is over 800. When the count goes below 200, a person is susceptible to infections.

"She's in a rough spot," says her San Francisco doctor. "She basically has no T-cells.

Margaret's body cannot tolerate AZT, a common medication for AIDS. She cares for herself with a steady diet of herbal medicines. She has begun writing about life with HIV.

"She intends to live for an extremely long time," says her doctor. "She's not obsessed with dying, she's obsessed with living and having as much life as possible."

Margaret has received help from Catholic Charities, Jewish Family Services and the Red Cross, but she is constantly looking for other sources of aid to meet her bills and her rent.

"I rob Peter to pay Paul every second," she says, smiling at the un-Hindu choice of words.

Always watch for outdated information. This article first appeared in 1992. This material is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between you and your doctor.

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