Important note: Information in this article was accurate in 2005. The state of the art may have changed since the publication date.
Important note: Information in this article was accurate in 2005. The state of the art may have changed since the publication date.
Reuters NewMedia - December 1, 2005
Rebecca Harrison
www.thepositiveconnection.co.za is an online dating service like any other, with one exception: all its members are infected with HIV.
Started by a South African and one of the first of its kind worldwide, the Web site is a lifeline for men or women who are looking for love but wish to circumvent the awkward task of explaining they suffer from a fatal disease that could be passed on when they have sex.
Ben Sassman started the site in 2003 after listening to two friends complain about the perils of dating as an HIV-positive male.
"They were saying that when they go on dates, it might be going well, but when they get to the point of disclosing their status, it's all over," Sassman told Reuters in an interview. "There's no goodbye kisses, no handshake, nothing."
Keen to help his friends and some 5 million other South Africans living with HIV, the 38-year-old salesman checked online dating Web sites around the world and found that almost none asked members to reveal their HIV status.
He decided to start his own site, with the aim of hooking HIV-positive people up with others in the same boat while removing the stress of explaining their status.
"Just because you are HIV-positive doesn't mean you can't wear sexy underwear or go out to the movies," Sassman told Reuters near his home in Cape Town. "This site gives people the chance to go on dates and find love."
MATCHMAKING SUCCESS
South Africa is fighting the world's heaviest caseload of people with HIV and activists say stigma around the disease is one of the biggest factors stopping people from getting tested or seeking support and treatment.
In a sign of how much people fear being ostracised, Sassman said his 281 registered members preferred not to be interviewed, but he did boast of some matchmaking success and said one young couple who met online are now living together.
Sassman, who is married with three young children, is HIV negative but says many of his friends have not been so lucky.
Launching the site helped him better understand the disease that is silently killing his community and others in sub-Saharan Africa. And he argues that while it risks reinforcing the idea that people with HIV are different, he aims to help people live normal lives.
"The reality is that if I stood up tomorrow at work and said I was HIV-positive my ass would be out of there within a week," he said. "If a guy shakes hands with a woman he knows has HIV he will be desperate to get home and wash that hand."
The site works like regular dating sites - members draw up a personal profile with their own attributes and those they seek in others. A photo is optional.
The site says 10 percent of the profits from its dating service are donated to an HIV/AIDS related charity each month.
Sassman said that while some visitors clearly want romance, others simply seek support and use the site to discuss the strains of taking life-prolonging anti-retroviral drugs.
Some 46 percent of members are from abroad -- Europe, the United States or elsewhere in Africa -- and sexual orientation varies, although the majority are heterosexual.
"My home page has a picture of a black woman and a white man," said Sassman. "I wanted to show that this disease can get to anyone."
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