The New York Times - October 10, 1983
Judy Klemesrud

Variations on her story were told over and over this past weekend as 125 parents of homosexuals from all over the country gathered at the Roosevelt Hotel for the second annual convention of the Federation of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays Inc.

Today Mrs. Ashworth is a member of the group's board of directors, and her husband, Richard, a lawyer, is president of the New York affiliate. Two of their three sons are homosexual.

"At first I felt so alone," Mrs. Ashworth said, recalling those days in 1973 after her son Tucker, now 29, told her of his sexual orientation. "But then I went to a meeting of a parents' group and saw parents of all ages and backgrounds, and suddenly I felt less alone."

The convention celebrated the 10th anniversary of the first parents of homosexuals group, founded in New York City. Adele Starr of Los Angeles, president of Parents FLAG, as the federation is known, said that between 8,000 and 10,000 families belonged to the group. Overall, she said, one out of four American families has a homosexual member. The 125 delegates to the convention representated 80 groups, she added.

Mayor Koch spoke briefly at the convention last night, saying he supported the effort to fight discrimination based on sexual orientation. Other speakers included Representative Ted Weiss, Democrat of Manhattan, and Virginia Apuzzo, director of the National Gay Task Force.

The Focus for 1984

At a news conference, Mr. Ashworth announced that the group's major focus in 1984 would be trying to convince all religions that homosexuality is "a true and natural sexual orientation."

"We want to help those people in the Protestant, Catholic and Jewish faiths learn that our children are good citizens, not sinful or wrong or evil," Mr. Ashworth said.

He added that the group planned "an effort to outreach to various religions" that would include mailing literature to 90,000 churches and synagogues in the country and "speaking in any church which will hear us."

Several parents at the news conference said they thought the publicity given to the disease acquired immune deficiency syndrome or AIDS, which affects mainly homosexuals, had caused increased discrimination against their children. They mentioned that some AIDS victims had been fired from their jobs and evicted from their apartments.

Arleen Nelson, a director of the group from Seattle, said she hoped that members of Parents FLAG could help to "overcome the fear of AIDS that has gripped many parts of the country."

"We want to tell health professionals and our gay and lesbian friends that we are not afraid," she said.

When asked why AIDS had not been named the major issue for 1984, Harlan Adams, a director of the group from Chico, Calif., replied: "Parents do not perceive it as a gay issue. It's a health issue."

The delegates attended workshops with such titles as "Coming Out," "Psychological Approach to Homophobia" and "Lesbian and Gay Adolescents." One idea that seemed to recur during the convention was that the parents should consider either adopting or being foster parents to homosexual children who have been kicked out of their homes.

Thomas Burrows, assistant to Andrew J. Stein, Manhattan Borough President, said that a fourth of the homeless persons in New York City were under the age of 24, and that a number of them were "gay children who have been thrown out of their homes." He urged the delegates to take a look at this problem.

A Candidate From Houston One parent who did was Richard Slemmer, a convention delegate who is one of six candidates for Mayor in Houston. Mr. Slemmer, president of a management consulting firm in the computer field, said he had five sons, two of whom are homosexual, plus five adopted sons, all homosexual.

"In Texas, these kids are called deviants and are considered unadoptable," he said of his adopted sons. "In Houston alone, over 100 are in detention right now and can't get out because they can't find a sponsor."

Mr. Slemmer said he had decided to help because he was an orphan who had lived on his own since the age of 11, and was educated with money from a grant from members of the Kiwanis, Rotary and Optimist clubs.

"I decided that when I was able, I wanted to help children, too," he said.

At the workshops and in the hallways, parents told how it was often more difficult for them to "come out" to their friends and relatives about the fact that they have a homosexual child than it was for the children to disclose their sexual orientations.

"You worry that it's going to affect your social life and your husband's business life," said one mother who asked that her name not be used. "Many people tend to blame you when they hear you have a gay child. They think you must be some kind of monster."

Jeanne Manford, who with her late husband, Jules, founded the first parents group in New York City in 1973, told people attending the "Counseling Parents" workshop that they should not feel guilty.

"We've been good parents, we know we have" she said. "We've done the best we know how. No one causes a child to be gay. I have a sister-in- law who yells and screams, and she has heterosexual children."

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