Important note: Information in this article was accurate in 2005. The state of the art may have changed since the publication date.
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New Vision (Kampala) - December 10, 2005
However, the good news is that it is no longer a death sentence. If you play by the rules, you can live long enough to see Museveni retire in 2015. The bad news is that you may have the responsibility of broadcasting the news to your sexual partner(s).
If you thought misfortunes like the loss of a job, a Chelsea win, Court Martial charges or even confiscation of nomination papers are bad news, you have not contemplated how worse it can be to communicate a positive HIV result to Beloved! Especially when your history records indicate that you could be the black sheep that brought the wolf home, the procedures to follow must be well managed.
There is a similar dilemma if you think your spouse is to blame. But this is usually not the time to trade blame. You must try out Museveni's reconciliation drive and do it better.
Both of you need to draw a roadmap of responsible living and, guess what, you could be discordant! That would be God's gift to allow one spouse to stay healthy enough to take the family ahead.
According to my clinical notes, there are unacceptable methods people have tried which contradict the spirit of shock absorbing, love and social adjustment.
Do not write a letter or send mail or SMS that you are positive. It is also not good to leave your HIV status card in a conspicuous place for the partner to see. It also does not help to unleash mambas and tear gas at Beloved and charge them for treason and possession of dangerous firearms. Some pretend they are going to commit suicide so that they can be asked what the problem is.
The best way to tell Beloved that you are not as healthy as you look must aim at explaining the situation, allowing your darling to react and absorb it into capacity to join you face a common enemy. Use counsellors.
Normally, pre- and post-testing counselling does the shock absorbing when the results come out. Convince your partner to accompany you for testing as if you do not know your status.
If they refuse, invite the counsellor(s) home to break the news. If you anticipate that their reaction may be violent, it is safer to have a third person break the news away from the confines of your bedroom - use a well respected elder like a pastor, best friend or relative.
But if you can handle it, do it yourself. You may get a counsellor to advise you on the procedure. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience for all of you - do not treat it in an offhand or rushed manner. Be direct - there is no easy way to tell someone, and there is no such thing as breaking the news gently - because once the point comes across, it hits them like a hammer anyway.
Let them accept or deny it in their own fashion. Do not try to change their position right there. Try not to revisit past discussions about lifestyle.
Accompany the message with a contingency plan of how you are prepared to handle the situation. Explain how you intend to take care of them in case they, too, are positive.
Be ready to accept the reaction because you cannot control how others will deal with your news. What is the worst possible reaction they could have?
Follow it up with your spouse testing too, and get help from professionals on how to live responsibly. And if you have reason to believe your partner is the source of trouble (especially when you have never had sex with anyone else), you must first get some of your emotions off your chest.
Know that HIV is not transmitted only through sex. And even if it was, your lover did not do so intentionally. Remember that staying calm is important.
Also remember that sometimes people need time to deal with life-changing news. Give them time to live out the shock before they can respond in a supportive way. After that, you would have done a good job. Arise and go, but do not sin again.
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