Important note: Information in this article was accurate in 2005. The state of the art may have changed since the publication date.
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New Vision (Kampala) - December 1, 2005
It is very frustrating to give a person everything emotionally, sexually and spiritually, only to discover later that you were dealing with a Black Mamba. It was the Police uniform that deceived you.
Seventy to eighty percent of people living with AIDS got it from sex and that is how relationships have become a risky business. Thanks to HIV, couples are trying to tighten screws on the flexibility of partners and cheating has taken on a new meaning.
It no longer means having penetrative sex with another person. It now constitutes any violation of trust which is a betrayal beyond the jurisdiction of a civilian court - tried only by Court Martial.
In the past, men had an official nod to accumulate women and sexual experiences. Their wives never called it cheating. It was polygamy. That was how King Solomon hit the 1,000 women mark. And he was a man of God, a very wise man.
Men got so comfortable in these privileges that when Mr. Love showed up at the airport and was received by thousands, they did not notice that their days of sexual movement were numbered.
It was only when Love started questioning their sexual freedom and demanding monogamy and official faithfulness that men tried to riot, provoking AIDS to pump tear gas into the crowds.
Faithfulness became the ideal song but behind the covers, illicit alliances continued.
According to theories of evolutionary psychology, men tend to care more about the physical act of a partner's infidelity than the emotional aspect.
A male brain is wired to resist being duped into raising and protecting another man's child, a child who will not perpetuate his own genes.
Women, on the other hand, are believed to be more upset by emotional betrayal, as their evolutionary interests are in getting a male who can protect and provide for them and the offspring. Any sideshow of interest puts the family's security as risk.
Christine R. Harris (PhD.), a psychology professor, led a University of California study where the blood pressure and heart rate of 43 women and 36 men were measured as they imagined scenarios of their mates committing either sexual or emotional infidelity.
She found that men showed a greater physical reaction to sexual infidelity, while women reacted similarly to both scenarios. The study is reported in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
But with AIDS, we should all judge ourselves with the same code. AIDS has deployed mambas, red tops as well as hit squads to put male sexual freedom on trial and discussing it should be subjudice.
In turn, couples have woken up and surveillance cameras have started clicking. Infidelity has been expanded to include any expression of intimacy with a person who is not your spouse.
So, did you only stop at fondling? Or did you just kiss? Are you exchanging love letters, SMS or mail? Or did you try to seduce him, fail and abandon the project?
Are you just flirting with her, expecting the fish to bite the bait? Or did you watch a pornographic movie together and cuddle but remembered that you were married and stopped there?
Well, my friend, if you read yourself in the above, you are as guilty as the person who spent 12 hours committing adultery. If you have a partner and you as much as entertain the idea of an away game, you are a cheat and qualify for charges of rape, terrorism and treason. And of course, re-arrest in case you are bailed out.
Jesus once said that looking at another woman's bums lustfully is sinful. Women should also desist from eyeing other men's zips.
Anything that compromises the integrity and exclusiveness of a love relationship, even with the consent of a partner, qualifies to be an adulterous offence. And, brethren, under this definition, let the one who has not sinned throw the first stone. Oh, nobody! We need prayers.
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