Miami Herald - July 21, 2007
Steve Rothaus, srothaus@miamiherald.com

Since most of the agency's clients are black and Hispanic, that didn't seem very effective. He replaced the old posters with bilingual ones showing black and Hispanic male couples.

Invisibility in the gay mainstream is just one of the special challenges facing gay black and Hispanic men. Those issues are front and center this weekend at Miami Beach Bruthaz, a four-day, mostly male South Beach retreat for gay blacks and Hispanics.

Attendees from all over the nation will talk about gays in the military, HIV/AIDS, gay marriage and relationships, rebuilding credit and the closet, among other topics.

"When you don't feature the black community, it's like it's not existing," said Alex Clark, 24, an editor at FlavaLife, a national gay magazine for people of color published in Miami. The magazine is a sponsor of this weekend's events.

A variety of pressures make many black and Hispanic men hesitant to identify themselves publicly as gay. Those include messages from church, family and community that being gay is a sin or makes a man less than a man, Martin said.

Some don't even call themselves gay or bisexual. "That's just who I sleep with, but that's not who I am," they tell him.

Bruthaz event coordinator Ian Smith, 36, says it's an ongoing, "tough internal battle" for many black men to tell family and friends they are gay.

"If somebody has grown up in that cycle of the church being such a part of their life, just being an adult doesn't make it easy," he said. "They're still carrying those beliefs and mores, and understanding that this is what life is about. They still want that acceptance."

Not easy, he said, when you've heard your whole life about "hell and damnation."

Smith says he is taking a big step by publicly identifying himself as gay.

"It makes me feel a little uneasy, that's the honest truth," Smith said. "I still work full time. That's one of the concerns I have. I do have family in Miami, Fort Lauderdale and West Palm. ... A lot of people who go to these events worry about that kind of exposure."

Martin, a Bruthaz speaker, said he understands why some gay men want to stay silent but that it's time for them to speak up.

"When I walk into a room, they know I'm black," said Martin, 45, who grew up in South Carolina. "I'll be damned if I hide that I'm gay because it makes people uncomfortable and uneasy."

African Americans often confuse gender roles with being gay, said Donnell Morris, managing director of Black Gay Pride of South Florida.

"What a lot of black men associate with homosexuality, they associate it with being super feminine or soft," Morris said. "It doesn't matter how many muscles you have. ... It has nothing to do with being feminine or masculine. It has to do with taking care of your family."

Hispanic men share the same experience, said William Castillo, a Bruthaz speaker who is writing Latino Men in America.

"A lot of the issues black American gay men go through are very similar to Latino men in terms of family and religion," said Castillo, a gay man born in Miami to Cuban parents.

"For the Latino man, the religious omnipresent is still very strong. In Latin America, for example, religious baggage or influence permeates the culture," he said. "They see it 24/7."

Families put a lot of pressure on gay men to "get married, have children and carry on the family name," Castillo, 43, said. "To be a man. Because being a homosexual is anything less than a man."

J.L. King, who wrote a controversial bestseller, On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men, said it's important in black and Hispanic cultures not to come off as "queens, sissies or punks."

"I was that way myself, where I was afraid to identify my orientation," said King, 49, also a Bruthaz speaker.

"I was exposed and got caught. I'm glad I did. My life is 125 percent better than when I was in denial and living a lie," said King, who as a young man married a woman to cover up his homosexuality.

About 15 years ago, King's world crashed down around him when his wife returned home and found him with a boyfriend. "She came in and caught me in bed with him," he recalled. "At the time it was the worst day of my life. In retrospect it was the best day."

King's Bruthaz speech today may ruffle attendees' feathers. "They may not like the message I tell them: Get the freak out of the closet," King said. "You don't have to march in a gay pride parade or put a rainbow sticker on your car. But it's that kind of attitude that [allows] so many preachers to beat up on black gay men."

Some Bruthaz attendees are married or have girlfriends and they don't know where their men are this weekend, said King, who also addressed the group last year at its first conference.

"A lot of those men will tell their wives they're going to a business meeting or a fraternity meeting. And that they're not going to have fun," King said.

King became famous in 2004 after appearing on The Oprah Winfrey Show to discuss men who don't think of themselves as gay but who sleep with other men. They often have wives or girlfriends, as well.

It's sometimes called "the down low."

"I hate that term. It demonizes gay black men," Martin said, emphasizing there's no difference between a lying black, white or Hispanic man.

Many say it's easier today for younger black and Hispanic men to be open about their lives.

Adriel Munoz, an aspiring singer-dancer, came out six years ago at age 18.

"I finally accepted myself," said Munoz, 24, who was born in Jacksonville and raised in Miami. 'It took about a year and a half. The beginning stage of me coming out was very confrontational. [My parents] didn't understand why I was gay because I lived a very 'straight' lifestyle before. I had girlfriends throughout high school. A different girlfriend every month. ... Your typical heterosexual teenage man. When I did come out to them, they said, 'What? You're kidding!' "

Munoz recently was crowned "Mr. Gay South Florida" at Miami's biggest gay Latin nightclub, Azucar.

"Mr. South Florida in the gay community is a prestigious honor," Munoz said. "It's a beauty pageant with talent. But it's more community, based on what your platform is. Creating positive change in the young gay community. That is my platform in life."

Munoz said he understands why some young black and Hispanic gay men remain closeted.

'I never give anyone the advice, 'You have to come out already,' " Munoz said. 'I'm OK with giving advice like, 'What's the best way?' There is no best way. Everybody is raised in different families, different places, different religious groups."

Young people should also give their parents time to adjust.

'They don't think, 'Maybe my mom wasn't ready to hear that.' Or 'My dad wasn't ready.' A lot of people are ready when they realize you're not going to become the stereotype."

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