Miami Herald - October 1, 2005
Ana Veciana-Suarez, aveciana@herald.com

No matter how much she searched for answers, Barbara Gaynor could not understand why her middle son, Johnny Coleman, had died of AIDS. This was not supposed to happen to him. To them.

Then, almost by happenstance, she picked up some literature about a new group out of New York. The name -- Mothers' Voices -- called to her, and the cause would prove to be the salve she so desperately needed. Gaynor went on to found the Miami chapter of that organization and, with other dedicated volunteers, strengthen it in such a way that it is now the group's national headquarters.

Tonight, 10 years later, Mother's Voices is throwing a fundraising gala to honor Gaynor for her efforts. The fashion/design extravaganza will showcase leading designers at the Moore Building in Miami's Design District.

But that's not what this mother and grandmother wants to talk about. In fact, she seems a little embarrassed that the focus is on her. She prefers to stay on the message.

"I want to make sure other people don't get affected [by AIDS]," she says in a soft voice that belies her steely determination. "I want to make sure other mothers do not suffer the death of a child or have to watch their children living with AIDS."

Mothers' Voices organizes programs that give parents the skills they need to communicate with their children about sexual health and HIV prevention. Since its official founding, the organization has reached more than 20,000 parents and families. And while there are other programs that teach kids about sexuality, none uses family life as the catalyst for education, Gaynor says.

Part of Mothers' Voices' effectiveness has as much to do with the message as with the messenger. The women who organize and raise money have all had a close relative with HIV or AIDS. On the group's website, www.mothersvoices.org, Gaynor has posted an impassioned letter that speaks to all mothers, both those who have suffered a loss and those who worry about such a tragedy.

"Think about it! If you don't talk to your kids about sex, someone else will. Many parents rely on school to educate their children about sexuality. But teachers are often constrained by law to present a specific curriculum, which may be lacking in content or contradict your own family's values. More likely, your child will learn about sex from a friend, a sexual partner or the media, all of whom may not have accurate information -- or your child's best interest in mind."

Gaynor knows -- and repeatedly preaches -- that children who have ongoing conversations with their parents about sexual issues are more likely to postpone sexual activity, avoid risky behavior and develop into sexually healthy young adults. "If we can get the parents to get to the kids," she adds.

But her mission is proving to be a Sisyphean task. Consider the facts: Every hour, two Americans between ages 13 and 24 are infected with HIV. More than half of all new HIV infections in the United States occur in young people under 25, and more than 25 percent of new HIV infections are contracted by teenagers.

Gaynor remains undaunted, and this does not surprise those who have known and worked with her. "Barbara has the most amazing soft sell," says Henrietta Gordon, who also lost a son to AIDS and has been active with the organization since the beginning. "She has this vision and this relentless drive to reach her goal of educating families."

Gaynor spent her childhood moving from place to place as her father, who drank heavily, relocated the family. She loved sports and Nancy Drew mystery stories, and those pleasures gave her some stability. But "I hated being the new kid on the block," she recalls. "No matter what anyone says, it didn't really prepare me for my later years. I didn't have a lot of security."

After graduating from college, she worked in New York helping to produce TV shows for children. In 1957, while visiting a friend, she met her first husband. That marriage would produce three children, Charles, Johnny and Suzy. In Miami, after her divorce, she returned to school at the University of Miami and earned a master's degree. Eventually, she would launch a career in fund-raising with various organizations, including Florida International University and the New World Symphony. She would also remarry.

In 1981, after undergoing a mastectomy and nine months of chemotherapy, she figured breast cancer was the most difficult trial she would have to endure. She was wrong. In 1994, Johnny received a letter from the parents of his former college girlfriend. The young woman had been infected with the virus through a transfusion and had died of AIDS complications. Her family suggested he be tested.

'He would say, 'How could this happen to me?' " she recalls. "He was crushed."

But Johnny, a paramedic described by his family as full of pep and happy-go-lucky, persisted in maintaining a normal life. In the last year of his life, he even opened a small store in Key Largo that sold hammocks and clothing made of hemp.

As his condition worsened, Johnny once told his mother, "Gee, Mom, I'm really going to miss you."

Gaynor tells this story a decade after his death and still her eyes water. But she musters a smile and explains that Johnny left her with a purpose, with the strength to persevere so other parents do not have to suffer as she has.

'I would hope that my son might tell me now, 'Good job, Mama.' "

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