Inter Press Service - October 12, 2001
Ramyata Limbu

"Initially, I thought they were ragging me," says the single 23-year-old. But Sunita (not her real name) soon realised the questions were in earnest, and she hunkered down to learning how to answer queries on wet dreams, as well as sexually transmitted diseases and erratic sex drives.

Today, Sunita says that when she counsels young men about their growing pains, she no longer blushes, even when she explains to them the changes in their bodies and gives them additional literature to read.

Sunita and the increasingly young people she counsels belong to that generation of Nepalis who are being exposed to a rapidly changing urban lifestyle that often contradicts the social, moral and religious values their parents taught them.

This may mean having to lead a "double life", say sociologists and health experts, especially when they start dealing with issues regarding sex. Nepali society thinks it is disrespectful -- even vulgar -- to talk about sex, especially to elders. Embarrassed teachers skim over the subject at school, and even Sunita would probably not dream of bringing up the subject with her parents.

K.N. Subedi, coordinator of the 'Better Life for Youth Programme' of the BP Memorial Health Foundation, says the youth who want to maintain a "cool" image claim "to have knowledge and experience with their friends" but pretend to "know nothing in front of their parents and other authority figures".

But Subedi and his colleagues at the privately run Foundation say the real problem starts when the young start experimenting with sex - with only scant or no information about the possible consequences.

Says Dr. Rajendra Bhadra, director of the Foundation's Reproductive Health Division: "They know how to put themselves at risk -- there's STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), HIV/AIDS, early pregnancies. But they don't know how to extricate or protect themselves."

Indeed, the Foundation was taken about by the results of a survey it conducted, along with the Save the Children U.S., last year among Kathmandu high school and college students. Some 14 percent of the youthful respondents said they already had sex - much more than what the Foundation had expected.

Then again, a similar survey conducted in 1998 by the Foundation and the University of Heidelberg -- albeit including students from Pokhara -- had also revealed that more than 11 percent had had sex.

The average age of the first sexual intercourse among the respondents in that survey was found to be 15.5 years. The gender difference was noticeable with 30 percent of college going men and only 2.3 percent of college going women reporting that they have had sexual contact.

Knowledge of HIV/AIDS and STDs was relatively high but use of condoms, low. "In a society where sex is regarded as taboo, the results were unsettling," admits Bhadra, referring to the earlier survey. "It made us realise that we're way behind in addressing adolescent need for information."

Bhadra and his team are thus working on a curriculum to provide sex education through peer educators in schools and also among other groups of adolescents including factory, and migrant workers in a manner that can be accepted by Nepali society.

Bhadra's division in fact already has an ongoing programme for youths that provides contraceptives, but also stresses abstinence as the only foolproof way to stay in the clear, and the only behaviour that fits Nepal's dominant social mores.

The curriculum covers "technical aspects" of STDs and how to prevent unwanted pregnancies and HIV/AIDS, but it will also focus on sexuality, communication and certain psychosocial skills aimed at changing behaviour.

Among the lessons the youth will learn are how to say no, how to behave at gatherings, distinguish between different kinds of touches and how to delay sexual intercourse.

"People are comfortable about their sexuality within set norms," comments Bhadra. "Some feel that sex education is about sexual pleasure, they don't think of the entire picture - of sensuality, love, relationships. So there is confusion. And when there is confusion there is discomfort."

"Those who are open and frank about sex are comfortable with their sexuality," he adds. "Those who think it's taboo and don't talk about it are also comfortable. It is those who are caught in between who are confused."

This confusion is reflected in the Nepali media, which sends out mixed messages that are aimed at raising awareness but often end up engendering misconceptions among adolescents trying to make sense of a bewildering new phenomenon they are faced with.

A 14-year-old boy who is just discovering his sexuality, for instance, would find it hard to relate to advertisements about STDs and HIV that feature married couples or truckers, but are vague on whether other sexually active people are at risk from STDs.

Since last year, the Foundation has also been offering youth- friendly services in clinics. The services emphasise "right attitudes", and focuses on helping unmarried youths.

In addition, the Foundation has a counselling hotline where callers range from people who want to know how to improve their sex life to victims of abuse.

"On a deeper level, sex governs society," says Bhadra. "It needs to be talked about in a civilised manner. It's not a western, American or European concept."

But he reports that Nepalis seem to be finally coming around in how they see sex. Bhadra, who has an advice column in a popular weekly, says that in the beginning, the questions he got from readers were very basic.

These days, he says, they have more technical, more sophisticated and are more about relationships, and sexual pleasure.

"Readers have become more mature," says Bhadra, adding, "And it isn't only middle-aged men who write. Many queries come from young people and older women." .
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