Important note: Information in this article was accurate in 2008. The state of the art may have changed since the publication date.
Chicago Tribune - May 24, 2008
Amy Dickinson
Our social circles overlap, so I've had to ask these friends not to tell anyone.
My sister apologizes when I make an issue of it, but I am distressed that she does not understand that there are stigma and discrimination out there, and that she has divulged my personal medical records, betrayed my confidence and outed me as gay in the process.
Despite my having made my feelings very clear, my sister continues to tell people.
I have always been a private person, so I continue to feel a great deal of frustration and anger toward my sister. Talking about it with her has proved useless because she thinks I am overreacting.
Do you have any suggestions as to how I can deal with these feelings? She is an otherwise kind, lovely woman who doesn't mean any harm, but she is clueless and defensive about accepting responsibility for her actions.
-Betrayed
Dear Betrayed: Your reaction to your sister is too kind by half. Too, too kind.
I find it hard to imagine how an otherwise respectful and lovely woman is unable to comprehend your distress about her behavior. Your sister may not be as kind and clueless as you think, at least in regard to this particular topic.
Re-examining her motives for violating your privacy may bring you some clarity. Her behavior is hostile, and even if her betrayal was unintentional, she should have stopped when you asked her to stop.
You need to accept that your sister has no respect for your privacy or the boundaries that most people place around their health conditions, no matter what they are.
Obviously, you should not confide in her again.
This is an ideal issue to explore in therapy. Talking about your family, health and sexuality will help you come to terms with your feelings, which you say is your ultimate goal.
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Ask Amy appears Monday through Saturday in Tempo and Sunday in Q. Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
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