Chicago Tribune - February 13, 2005
Kim Barker, Tribune foreign correspondent

They had a typical Indian love story: Boy meets girl through an arranged-marriage bureau. Boy and girl decide to marry, once their families agree.

But this arranged marriage was unusual in one major respect. Both Kamlesh Patel, the groom, and Nimisha Rana, the bride, were HIV positive. They signed up with a new kind of marriage bureau, which arranges marriages only for Indians with the virus that causes AIDS.

"When we met, we remembered our past and talked about those things," said Rana, 25, who found out she had HIV during her first marriage. "Then we said, 'Whatever happened, happened. Now we will start our new life.'"

This first conversation, over juice made from grapes and cashew fruit, took about a half-hour. The couple married a month later, on Dec. 4, in a Hindu temple in front of 100 people.

The new marriage bureau, a private volunteer agency based in the western state of Gujarat, shows the changing face of this conservative society. Marriages here have almost always been arranged by families or matchmakers. But now, such marriages are running into the reality of HIV in India, where an estimated 5.1 million people have the virus. Only South Africa has more cases.

Experts consider India a ticking AIDS time bomb. High-risk Indians, particularly men who frequent prostitutes, often have not been tested, experts say, and men still refuse to wear condoms with prostitutes, let alone with their wives. HIV-positive men bow to family pressure and agree to arranged marriages with unsuspecting women.

In the past, the Indian government has been blamed for doing little. Discrimination is widespread. People with HIV are regularly fired from their jobs. They are turned away from hospitals, thrown out by their families. From 1998 to 2002, India's Supreme Court even banned people with HIV from getting married, although the ruling, which was overturned, was not enforced.

Recently, the country has started to fight AIDS, often with unusual methods. In a small village in the southern state of Karnataka, people worship a new Hindu deity, the goddess of AIDS, who, in theory, prevents people from getting the disease and helps those with AIDS fight it. Artists in rural West Bengal state paint AIDS awareness stories on scrolls and then sing the stories; years ago, they performed only religious stories.

Next month, four trains will set out on a six-month journey across India to offer HIV tests and education to people in remote villages.

Only Gujarat has a formal marriage bureau for people with HIV, although informal matchmaking programs operate in several other states, advocates say. But these are often hidden. The one in Kerala state in the south, for instance, is run by a man named "George," but you need to know the right people to find him.

In the past year, seven couples have married through the bureau in Surat, run by the Gujarat State Network of People living with HIV and AIDS. About 70 men and 30 women have also signed up to be wed.

"If I get married, I can have a family," said Rasik Bhuva, a 29-year-old man. "Now, I am alone."

Surat, a grubby city of about 2.4 million people, woke up to AIDS earlier than many other Indian cities. That is largely because it had an active red-light district and a large population of migrant workers who toiled in the diamond and textile industries and often visited the prostitutes. About 2,000 people have tested positive for the virus in Surat district, although many more probably have HIV, local health workers say.

The marriage bureau was set up by Daxa and Vithal Patel, who found out they had HIV seven years ago, six months after their own arranged marriage. They do not know how they contracted the virus. Daxa Patel found out when she was pregnant; a doctor told her to have an abortion, which she did.

The couple became HIV counselors, and two years ago, they helped form the state network for people with HIV. Last year, they started the marriage bureau. The idea was simple: People with HIV might be happier together than alone, perhaps ostracized by their families.

"We realized, we're positive people and we're living such happy and beautiful lives," said Vithal Patel, 35. "Why can't we give that to others?"

As Daxa Patel, now 28, counseled new patients, she sized them up: This man was fair-skinned and 6 feet tall. This woman was fair and 5 feet 3 inches tall. She checked their castes, because many Hindus marry only those from their own caste.

Once couples agreed to marry, Daxa and Vithal Patel convinced their families. At first, some families resisted, but all eventually agreed.

Alpesh Patel, 26, who shares one of the most common surnames in Gujarat but is not related to any other Patel with the bureau, signed up to get married last September. He found out he had HIV about two years ago, after he became sick with tuberculosis.

"My parents still wanted me to get married," he said. "I thought, if I married an HIV-positive person, I could have a happy life, and I could help someone else. Because if a person is positive, especially a girl, it is very difficult and humiliating."

He married Nov. 23, and now he carries a picture of his wife, Divya, in his wallet.

But others have not been so lucky. More men want to get married than women, and some men want to marry only single women without children. Most women with HIV in Gujarat, however, are widows with children. Many families in India also believe that widows should never remarry.

Umesh Patel, the president of the state network for people with HIV, was the first person to sign up with the marriage bureau. He wants to marry someone from the Patel caste, whose members are known for being landowners and traders in diamonds and gold. But so far has had no luck. Last month, he put an ad with his mobile phone number in three local newspapers and on four TV channels. "For a positive man, I want an unmarried positive girl," he said. "Patel caste."

He received 50 responses. Some families were from the Patel caste but did not know that "positive" is the local euphemism to describe a person with HIV. Other families were not from the Patel caste. Other calls were from quacks, insisting they could cure him.

"Unmarried females are very few," Umesh Patel, 27, said with a sigh.

In recent months, the marriage bureau has become more formal. Clients are asked about antiretroviral drugs and white blood cell counts. Everyone is counseled about safe sex, even after marriage, and about the risks of having children.

At an HIV conference in Surat last weekend, a special table was set up for people to fill out marriage bureau forms. Fifteen men signed up. No women did.

Despite those odds, some men remained picky. "That girl should be beautiful," wrote one man, 30. "She should know housework. She should have good manners."

But others were more realistic--they were willing to take any woman from any caste, even if she had children.

"She should not always remember she is 'positive,'" wrote one man, 33. "But she should have a desire to live. That is the girl that I want."

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