Bangkok Post - Wednesday, July 28, 1999
Anjira Assavanonda Onnucha Hutasingh

Twenty-year-old Thongla Chantaraksa, or Lek, said her life has been turned upside down since a medical check-up two years ago showed she was HIV-positive. Despite her family's understanding and support, Ms Lek found the road ahead is rough for people with HIV/Aids since they are hardly accepted by others, even in their own communities.

"Things have never been the same once people knew I'd become infected with HIV. Wherever I went through the village, there would be people looking at me, gossiping about my story. Some appeared disgusted and were afraid even to walk past my house," she said.

Living in Si Sa Ket's Payu district, Ms Lek and her mother used to sell food in the village but they decided to quit after they felt hostility towards them in their own neighbourhood. Ms Lek said in the past she had often been chosen leader of village youngsters, but never again since her HIV status became known to other people.

Ms Lek got the virus from her ex-husband who was a drug addict. It was during her pregnancy that doctors found she was HIV-positive. Her son, Nong Ton, is now two-and-a-half years old, and it will be another three years before doctors can determine whether he is infected or not.

"At first, when I learned I was infected, I was so shocked and scared.. so scared that I would die someday, that my son would also become infected, and that I would face disgust from society," she said.

Ms Lek kept her secret for a few months before she decided to tell her mother. Her family was shocked at first but later accepted the fact and understood it was not her fault.

Her mother, Champa Butdee, observed that the deadly virus has somehow brought the family closer together, and that it was love and support from her family that has encouraged Lek to go on living.

Realising she has not much time left, Ms Lek decided to spend the rest of her life helping others who are suffering like she is. She is now working as a volunteer for Access, a non-governmental organisation on Aids. Her job is to help with some paperwork and to counsel other HIV-infected people in the province.

"I've felt more mature since I became HIV-positive. I began to think of doing something useful for society. I wish I can die with dignity when that day comes," she said.

The organisation pays her about 1,000 baht a month, which is inadequate since she has to take care of her two-year-old son, as well as pay for the schooling of her two younger brothers.

"There were times I felt so discouraged and tired I wanted to quit. But thinking about my HIV-infected friends, I told myself I must carry on. Who else will help us if we don't help each other?" she said. As a mother, her biggest worry is the future of her two-year-old son.

"Nong Ton is naughty and so clever. I wish I could see him grow up, but I know my wish will never come true. Anyway, I believe my family will take good care of him after I'm gone," she said.

Another victim, Ulai Phromyothee, 36, was apparently depressed at the way society has been treating him.

Mr Ulai, 36, said he had never expected to get the virus from a one-night stand. Things got worse when he passed it on to his wife who was unable to accept her fate. She grew weaker and weaker, both physically and mentally, and died only one year after she was infected.

For Mr Ulai and many other HIV-infected people, the future of their children is more worrying than their own health.

"My life has ended since my wife passed away. The only thing that makes me survive is my children. My wife told me before she died to take good care of them," Mr Ulai said.

Aphiradee, 15, and Surachai, 11, lost their mother late last year, and they know they can never expect a miracle for their father. Their only hope is that he will stay with them as long as possible.

Mr Ulai and his children faced strong reaction from their neighbours in Phusing district, Si Sa Ket, right after his discharge from the hospital where he was found to be HIV-positive.

"Some of the neighbours took pity, some looked down on us, some appeared disgusted when we passed their houses. My close friends have stayed away from me," he said.

Deep sorrow could be clearly seen through the eyes of his 15-year-old daughter, Aphiradee, when she was asked how she felt about what had happened to her parents.

"I told the truth to only a few close friends at school, and they usually avoid asking me or even talking about it," she said.

Old enough to know what has happened to her life, Ms Aphiradee has turned into a quiet, cheerless person unlike most people her age. Daily house chores, family expenses, plus the need to take care of both her younger brother and her ailing father have become heavy burdens which she must shoulder, not to mention her fear for her own future.

Mr Ulai said public understanding is still a serious problem in the rural community. "Some parents can't accept the fact their sons or daughters are HIV-positive. One of my friends has been left lying alone in the hospital because his family have turned away," he said.

Due to increasing weakness, Mr Ulai can no longer keep his job at a construction site. Fortunately, his family understands and helps take care of his children. Mr Ulai admitted he had never been this close to his family before he was found to be HIV-positive.

Mr Ulai is now working to help other HIV-infected people. He helped set up the Saeng Thien (Candle Light) Group with 17 other HIV patients in his neighbourhood. Members of the group help take care of one another, share their feelings and experiences, and sometimes organise agricultural activities and do some leatherwork to earn additional income.

"Saeng Thien Group is like a small candle which lights up the soul and the spirit of HIV patients and their children. What I'm most worried about is the future of these children who will become orphaned when their parents die," he said, and called on the authorities concerned to help educate them and take care of them.

As the group leader, Mr Ulai admitted it was hard to help all his friends get through the economic crisis. The group still does not have enough money to run its activities. Mr Ulai himself has been more than 10,000 baht in debt since he also has to pay for medical expenses incurred by group members, many of whom are seriously ill.

"I've changed since I became infected. Now I think of others more than of myself. I want to be helpful to society, so that when I die I can go with dignity," he said.

Mr Ulai said he has spent his life doing both good and bad deeds. He said he used to enjoy hunting. "At that time I felt like I was a rock and stronger than anyone else, but I'm just a soft stone now. Looking back at what I have done in the past, I think maybe it's the bad karma which has brought the virus into my life," he said.
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