Bay Windows - April 15, 2004
Laura Kiritsy, lkiritsy@baywindows.com.

"The bottom line is that you should speak with an adoption professional and an attorney if you're thinking about getting married" and want to form a family, says Cambridge-based family law attorney Joyce Kauffman. "There are a lot of unanswered questions about this. At all levels."

She expects more legal questions surrounding adoption and other marriage-related issues to surface in the months after same-sex couples begin marrying. The Massachusetts Lesbian and Gay Bar Association, of which Kauffman is a member, will host two workshops, one on April 24 at Provincetown Town Hall and the other on May 12 at Northeastern Law School, to discuss some of the legal issues - including those pertaining to adoption - that couples should consider in deciding whether or not to get married.

Despite the uncertainties, adoption professionals and advocates are sure of at least one thing: Because most other countries do not permit same-sex couples or openly gay individuals to adopt, international adoptions are off-limits for married same-sex couples. Kauffman's advice to same-sex couples considering international adoption is simple: "Don't get married." Kauffman also notes that in Massachusetts, married couples are not allowed to adopt children without their spouse.

The ability for same-sex couples in Massachusetts to marry may also up the ante for those looking to adopt domestically. Unlike their heterosexual counterparts, same-sex couples have long been able to adopt without being married because that option was not available to them. But if that option becomes available, the widespread perception that marriage creates a more stable environment for child rearing will have new meaning for same-sex couples. Unmarried same-sex couples may come under new scrutiny in the adoption process. "The question will be, if you can get married, why aren't you?" says Leah O'Leary, LICSW, founder of A Red Thread Adoption Services in Norwood.

O'Leary, whose licensed organization provides pre- and post- adoption counseling, home study services and adoption information and referral services, says that when she conducts home studies, all prospective parents - including unmarried heterosexual couples - are evaluated on a case-by-case basis. But just as she raises the question of an unmarried straight couple's level of commitment during a home study, she says she will now do so with an unmarried gay couple.

In O'Leary's practice, the birthmother ultimately decides with whom she will place her child after reviewing the profiles of prospective parents that O'Leary compiles. But should a birth mother decide to place her child with a same-sex couple, O'Leary says, "I would recommend the birthmother take the married couple more seriously."

Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, a New York-based national adoption research, policy and education organization also predicts that adoption practitioners will look more favorably upon married gay couples.

"My guess is lots of people's biases are toward married people," says Pertman, the author of "Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming America." In practice, he notes, married heterosexual adopters are generally put in front of single or cohabitating adopters. Marriage does have a special place in the culture and it is generally believed that married parents provide a more stable environment, says Pertman, though he points out that in reality that isn't always the case. "But for lots of reasons, our prejudices - not necessarily in a negative way - our prejudging, our personal biases in the culture generally are still toward marriage. So I assume it's fair to guess that will apply to some extent to gay married couples as well.

"But to the extent, I don't know," he adds. "The truth is that gays and lesbians are viewed differently. That's the reality. And so how long it will take for the marriage overlay to set in, I don't know. It'll certainly give a more positive cast and a more positive imprimatur for some practitioners."

More importantly, Pertman suggests that married same-sex couples will offer an advantage to their adopted children that they previously couldn't, while at the same time bolstering the case for gay marriage. "If we're looking at this from a child-centered view, which I try to do ... well, we value marriage in this culture, right? We think that that's a good thing. We sometimes unfortunately stigmatize children whose parents aren't married. Well," he laughs, "we have an opportunity not to stigmatize these kids. That seems like a good thing doesn't it? Not to stigmatize children, again looking at it from the kid-centered view. And society does value [marriage]. Kids get that, they see it on TV, they see it in the movies, they read it in books, they get it just from interacting with other people. And so I think that again, it not only benefits the kids, it also accelerates the process because we do at some level, or lots of people do at some level, understand what's good for kids and want to help kids and don't want to stigmatize them. And if that's true, that certainly aids and abets the movement toward gay marriage."

But some advocates say same-sex marriage will not impact their adoption placement practices. "We're in completely new territory here," says Dr. Laura Nemeyer, executive director of Adoption Resource Associates. "I can't imagine we would frown on a couple that wasn't married." The Cambridge-based agency is licensed to provide pre-placement supervision - including home study services - post-adoption consultation and guidance during the adoption search process.

Likewise, the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE), which facilitates foster care adoptions for children in the custody of the state Department of Social Services, expects that same-sex marriage will have no effect on whether or not a gay couple adopts. "It should not," says Corina Hopkins, MARE communications director. In Massachusetts, she explains, same-sex couples, married and unmarried heterosexual couples and single people - gay and straight - are all welcome to become adoptive parents based on what is determined to be in a child's best interest. "It's really what's the best fit for a child," Hopkins says.

Whatever the legal issues involved, Pertman, who will lead an April 27 discussion on a range of adoption issues at McCormick and Schmick's Seafood Restaurant at the Boston Park Plaza Hotel, believes that same-sex marriage generally will lead to an increase in gay-headed families, including those formed through adoption. "From the adult perspective, people want to feel as though they are in ... a good place in life before they raise children. And in that way I would think that this will aid and abet the kids who need homes, because more people will feel stable in their relationships," he asserts. "Because like it or not, marriage does give that perception, if not that reality - or it often does - and if more people feel stable in their relationships they will become more willing, I think, to become parents."

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