Bay Area Reporter - May 21, 2009
Bob Roehr

He took his own life on May 15 at the age of 54, in the town of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. As he explained in a letter left behind, the increasingly disabling heart and back pain he experienced were more than he chose to endure.

Mr. McFarlane was a towering presence at 6 foot 6 inches, with jug ears made even more prominent by his bald head. He grew up on a farm near the small town of Theodore, Alabama where sports were king.

"In high school I was big enough to get past the gay thing," he told the New York Times in a 2002 interview. "Freshman football, I went out to hurt people. I found the biggest redneck and went for his knees sideways, stomped his face when he was down. I was a monster, a legend. And then, I could go jump rope with the girls."

And that captured the essence of Mr. McFarlane; the ability to go for the jugular, the whimsy of the unexpected, and a good humor that was often self-deprecating, albeit laced with expletives. His life would be filled by all those traits.

He joined the Navy in 1974, serving on a nuclear attack submarine and trekked across the artic snows on still-secret missions. Civilian life would prove to be no less arduous.

Mr. McFarlane was in Manhattan when an unknown plague began striking down gay men. He set up the first hotline, on his own phone. He was a volunteer and then the first paid executive director of the Gay Men's Health Crisis, that landmark AIDS services organization.

He managed the merger of Broadway Cares and Equity Fights AIDS, and pioneered new ways to raise desperately needed money. And he was a founding member of ACT UP, which made a lethargic government more responsive to the needs of its citizens.

He left his beloved Manhattan for Denver to serve as executive director of the Gill Foundation, where he helped to revamp and refocus the mission of the organization backed by one of the largest patrons of LGBT community groups.

Mr. McFarlane wrote books, co-produced Larry Kramer's play The Destiny of Me, competed in the Eco-Challenges in Morocco and Fiji, and served as a nurturing caregiver to too many family and friends as they faced major, often terminal illness.

"He was my best friend for so many years that I do not know yet how life goes on without him," Kramer wrote in an e-mail.

Kramer would later add, "I think that Rodger McFarlane has probably done more for the gay world than any other single person has ever done. The gay world may not know it; I hope someday it will."

San Francisco AIDS activist Michael Petrelis said he knew McFarlane from "the early ACT UP/NYC days, when he was such a rock of calm amid all the anger and heat and depression and madness."

"On a smaller level, less visible level, he was a strong backer of PWAC [People With AIDS Coalition] and Michael Callen, especially when Michael started his 'get laid' social Saturday teas at their old office at St. Johns in the Village. I think Rodger quietly helped PWAC get that space," Petrelis said.

Tim Gill, founder of the Gill Foundation, said, "I knew Rodger for almost 30 years. He was not just a friend, he was also a professional mentor to me and countless others. He used his amazing intellect and strategic vision to further the LGBT, HIV/AIDS, and other social justice movements. We will be eternally in his debt."

"Rodger dedicated his life to being a visible and vocal advocate for social justice," said Neil G. Giuliano, president of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. "His work propelled our movement toward full equality in tremendous ways, his compassion and unique humor will be missed and never matched."

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