Important note: Information in this article was accurate in 2000. The state of the art may have changed since the publication date.
The Bay Area Reporter - August 3, 2000
Richard Wahl
I see it as a cold-hearted act of first-degree murder. I think it is time that we as a community start finding ways to protect ourselves and those we love from those who would prey upon our lives, young and old.
We rant and rave about "safe sex" and "safer sex," when what we need to do is to come out of the closet on our HIV status. If we want to stop the AIDS epidemic, then we need to stop infecting ourselves again and again. We need to stop pointing our fingers at the other contributing factors and get real. If I know that the fellow I am with has HIV, I am damn sure going to be more careful. Perhaps this sounds like a great way to start a witch-hunt or to segregate those who are HIV-negative and those who are HIV-positive.
If we really are serious about stopping the AIDS epidemic that is spreading around the globe and beginning to once again rise in the United States, then everyone knows that to isolate the virus is the way to kill it. We don't need any government regulation to kill the virus we just need some self respect and respect for those around us.
However, I do think that if a person knowingly infects another, that he or she be tried as a murderer. This ignorant policy of "Don't Tell, Don't Ask" among the gay community in regard to HIV status is killing us. Why do we support such a thing?
What also concerns me and ought to concern the entire community, is that the guys that make up the high increase of new cases of HIV are only 18-24. My last boyfriend was 24. Many of my friends are 24 or so. Does this mean that I am going to watch a lot of my friends die? That is if I am lucky enough not to have contracted the virus myself. Why are we allowing those we love and adore to be infected? Who in their right mind would do something that might possibly harm another? We call them criminals. We lock them up.
We need to wake up and take control of our community and those members who are destroying the community by lying about their status and/or not telling that they are HIV-positive. I think it is one's duty to tell someone you are going to get intimate with that you are HIV-positive. Fuck the rejection factor, we are talking about life and the destruction therein.
We need to grow up and get real and start being virtuous and righteous in regard to what is right and wrong and we all know that murder is wrong. There can be no rationale for not telling someone you are HIV-positive. And if they reject your intimacy, what is wrong with that, you don't hug and kiss and make out with people with influenza. No we stay clear, we take care not to get it ourselves. It is a natural defense mechanism that we have.
So it is not like the rejection is personal, it is practical. It does not mean no friendships or closeness, but it means knowing. We can condom the barebacking advocates and we can blame lack of education, but where the real blame should and ought to be placed is right in our very own lap.
If we love ourselves and our community and all those beautiful men and women, then why are we not asking and telling the single most important piece of information - HIV status.
I am not advocating telling the world, what I am advocating is telling our partners. What I am advocating is respect for ourselves. What I am advocating is a truly loving LesBiTGay community, and what I mean by "respect" and "loving" is that what we learn about those we meet, should be kept to ourselves. Let's stop all the gossip and character assassinations and start to respect privacy. And let us no longer allow these sexual predators to run free - killing.
Richard Wahl, of Maui, Hawaii, is the president of Both Sides Now Incorporated
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