The Associated Press; 50 Rockefeller Plaza, New York, NY 10020 - Sunday, October 19, 1997; 12:06 p.m. EDT
Waka Tsunoda, Associated Press Writer

Even with recent medical advances, AIDS is a disease without a cure, and being diagnosed with HIV, the human immunodeficiency virus that causes AIDS, is nothing less than devastating.

"I just sat there," recalls Wilma Smith. "Then, suddenly, I just started screaming at the top of my lungs and sobbing uncontrollably. I was totally lost."

HIV is far more than a death sentence. Since it is often associated with drug use and homosexuality, it carries a certain social stigma, and HIV-positive men and women face additional hardships such as rejection by society and family and loss of jobs. They also must watch their fellow patients -- friends and even family -- die one by one as their own health deteriorates.

How do they cope with these overwhelming stresses?

Smith, a 41-year-old former drug user, and 37 other HIV-positive men and women, using pseudonyms, tell their stories in a new book, "Being Positive, The Lives of Men and Women' by Robert Klitzman.

Dr. Klitzman, assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University, has found from their narratives that there are six broad patterns of handling the stress of HIV: Finding camaraderie in the community of HIV patients; finding solace in religion; finding meaning and a sense of purpose in work or volunteerism; and trying to forge closer ties with family.

Two other, and less desirable, modes of adaptation are: minimizing or denying the seriousness of their condition; and finding temporary release in sex and substance abuse.

George Sullivan, a 55-year-old gay man and former Wall Street executive, is one of the men who has found "some security and safety" in "HIV-land," or the HIV community.

"I have a Harvard education and used to go to work in a suit," he says. "Then I got the virus. I went through various self-improvement and transformation games ... to raise my self-esteem and not feel like a second-class citizen. But I felt outside the financial world where I worked. All those people were straight and HIV-negative. It was very difficult to get along there as an openly gay -- never mind HIV-positive -- man."

Gregory Colson, a Vietnam veteran who spent time in jail because of drug use, turned to higher powers for help. After being tested positive in 1986, he explains, "I started really believing in God and the Bible."

He attributes his continued existence to God's will.

"God wants me here for a reason: to do good," he says. "He doesn't want me to die. He wants me to help other people, to be a messenger, and spread the word -- about how to protect yourself from HIV, and how to live with it if you've already got it, and how not to give it to somebody else."

Maurice Bradford, a 44-year-old former hospital administrator, on the other hand, finds a sense of purpose in his part-time work as a consultant.

"Work has always been extremely important to me," explains Bradford, who is gay. "I was never a person who watched the clock and worked only nine to five. I always put in a lot more time -- uncompensated -- than I had to. It was an important part of defining my life."

To counter the destruction and stigma of HIV, many patients try to reconnect with kin, Klitzman says. This goal allows men and women to "live on" after death through future generations, but the establishment of such bonds can be difficult.

Jenny Singer, a 38-year-old Italian-American nurse who used intravenous drugs, says, "The worst part of HIV is not being able to have a child now. ... I know there's a chance I could have a seronegative child, but it would break my heart if I gave birth and then had to watch the child be sick for years and die from AIDS. I couldn't inflict that kind of pain on another human being. Instead I just bought a cut little baby dog. It's nice to see her growing and changing every day. No matter what I do or say, she always loves me."

Leonard Barber, a 31-year-old gay man, is one of those who choose minimization or denial to cope with his HIV status. "I practice conscious denial," he says. "I pretend I'm going to live forever."

Some turn to sex and substance abuse, which could be dangerous. HIV patients who indulge in unprotected sex are risking infecting partners or reinfecting themselves with another strain of HIV virus.

According to the National Institutes of Heath, an estimated 650,000 to 900,000 U.S. residents are living with HIV infection. Through 1996, an estimated 29.4 million people worldwide had been infected with HIV, of whom approximately 8.4 million have developed AIDS.

Klitzman is an experienced hand in studying epidemics. Even before he entered medical school, he conducted research on the medical epidemiology and medical anthropology of kuru, a viral disease in Papua New Guinea, which killed 90 percent of the women and two-thirds of the entire population of a "Stone Age" group and its neighbors.

He believes everyone could learn from the experiences of HIV patients.

"HIV raises in bold relief issues that each of us will one day confront," he says. "We will all face death, though we rarely think about it. ... Those with HIV -- mostly baby boomers -- have had to face these issues before others of their generation, and have illustrated what does and does not impede and help."

------

"Being Positive: The Lives of Men and Women with HIV" is published by Ivan R. Dee of Chicago.

Copyright 1997/The Associated Press. Reproduced with permission. Reproduction of this article (other than one copy for personal reference) must be cleared through the Permissions Desk, The Associated Press, 50 Rockefeller Plaza, New York, NY 10020.
971019
AP971011

Copyright © 1997 - Associated Press. Reproduction of this article (other than one copy for personal reference) must be cleared through the AP Permissions Desk.

AEGiS is a 501(c)3, not-for-profit, tax-exempt, educational corporation. AEGiS is made possible through unrestricted funding from Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, Elton John AIDS Foundation, National Library of Medicine, Pacific Life Foundation, and donations from users like you.

Always watch for outdated information. This article first appeared in 1997. This material is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between you and your doctor.

AEGiS presents published material, reprinted with permission and neither endorses nor opposes any material. All information contained on this website, including information relating to health conditions, products, and treatments, is for informational purposes only. It is often presented in summary or aggregate form. It is not meant to be a substitute for the advice provided by your own physician or other medical professionals. Always discuss treatment options with a doctor who specializes in treating HIV.

Copyright ©1980, 1997. AEGiS. All materials appearing on AEGiS are protected by copyright as a collective work or compilation under U.S. copyright and other laws and are the property of AEGiS, or the party credited as the provider of the content. .