Question:

This is a mess! For the past 3 weeks, I have been in a monogamous relationship with a man who has been HIV positive for 16 years. He contracted it through IV drug use, and has been sober for almost 2 years. Due to a misunderstanding, until last week, I thought "all" he had was Hep C and genital herpes (no outbreaks for 8 years). We had oral sex (each giving and receiving), and one incident of unprotected vaginal sex (otherwise we've been using condoms), with no ejaculation taking place in either incident, all before I knew he had HIV. At that time, I was experiencing spotting between my periods. I have oral herpes, and foolishly gave him oral sex while my latest outbreak was healing. I began taking Post Exposure Prophylactic drugs, and we are waiting for my initial test results, and know that I should be retested in a few months.

My question is threefold: What are the chances that I have contracted HIV? What are the chances that we can have a long relationship, based on his health history (he's 45)? And what sorts of behaviors are likely to spread the virus and how do we avoid them? I read one website that said "deep" kissing can transmit the virus!!!

Answer provided by:

Mark H. Katz, M.D.
Regional HIV/AIDS Physician Coordinator
Kaiser Permanente of Southern California

Please access the following link that will direct you to a chart that details the risk of acquiring HIV from different activities. Your chance of having acquired it from unprotected sex is much less than 1%, and even less if his viral load is uncetectable. www.aegis.org/pubs/mmwr/2005/r402a1t1.gif

Many many people with longstanding HIV enjoy a reasonably close-to-normal emotional and sexual relationship. There is no reason to think you could not have this, too, if you take the key precaution of no unprotected exposure to his blood or sexual fluid.

Please refer to the following website ( www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/facts/transmission.htm) about how HIV is and is not transmitted, so you can see that you can enjoy a virtually normal life together, with the exception noted above.

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