Important note: Information in this article was accurate in 2004. The state of the art may have changed since the publication date. I have been dating a wonderful man (I am male too). In fact I can say he is the love of my life. He told me he is HIV+. The truth is that the information scared me, but I am torn because this is a very real relationship. We have not had sex, but both want to desperately. I know this is not a relationship advice forum so I will confine my questions to protection....
1. Can I get infected from kissing? (We both say no)
2. Can a "sero-different" couple have a fufilling sex life?
3. Will he have a "normal life span? (he is very healthy and takes medication
I am struggling, but can't let him go...please offer and
advice/information available.
thanks
Mark H. Katz, M.D.
Regional HIV/AIDS Physician Coordinator
Kaiser Permanente of Southern California
First of all, congratulations on meeting a wonderful partner; as you well know, such are hard to find!
To answer your questions:
1. Can I get infected from kissing? (We both say no) - You are
both absolutely right!
2. Can a "sero-different" couple have a fufilling sex life? - Certainly! It is happening all over the world right at this moment. Using a latex barrier, i.e. condom or dental dam, for sexual activity is the shortest most effective "route" to safe, fulfulling sex.
3. Will he have a "normal life span? (he is very healthy and takes medication _ Experts today say that a person who has a reasonably normal immune system (T-cells > approximately 350) can indeed live normally assuming the virus remains suppressed. Hence, T-cells and viral load must continue to be monitored. And persons with even lower T-cells can also do well, as long as the virus remains suppressed and there is no evidence of clinical progression. Obviously, not enough time has elapsed to "guarantee" that persons on HIV meds will live a complete life span--BUT--we have no data to indicate they will not.
May I offer another item for reflection? I have often counseled persons in your position--and I say to them: Imagine if you let go of the relationship because of the person's serostatus. And in three years there is a cure for HIV. And you never meet another person like him. You will have lost out on a wonderful opportunity for connection and love.
Good luck!
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